Dear [if any] Great Grandkids,
Dear [if any] Great Grandkids,
You are probably reading this because I am dead. . .*Eerie Music, Angels Singing* . ., and some psychopath has told you that I have a Facebook/Blog. If you know him/her by name, (and if him/her still lives) send him/her to the North Pole (if it still exists—if not, just launch him/her into space. I am sure it will be easy considering that every single movie made foretelling the future WAS WRONG!—y’all are probably laughing your heads off at Back to the Future 2).
I hope you still speak English in your era, or else this note is completely useless. (But maybe y’all still have translators that decipher Ye Olde Inglish, hopefully.)
And here I am, typing away, not knowing if the rapture might have happened already, or I’ll even live to have children, or they’ll live to have children, or they’ll live to have children, for that matter. . .
I hope, also, that aliens don’t come down and evaporate the earth to the degree of ashes. . . That would bight. . . If aliens DO come, SEND THEIR *&^$ing Green “As- -s” to H-E-Double-Hockeysticks!!!!
If they do destroy Earth, (Fat Chance) just build a spaceship a day or two in advance and launch your butts to Mars. . . What, that has already been done? DANG IT!
Always turn the other cheek to those who slap thy face (Unless they’re aliens). Say no to drugs and smoking. . .
Don’t be too hard on your parents and grandparents. They gave me a hard time. (Why not return the favor?) Ya know what? Do your great grandfather a favor and give ‘em a hard time; it’s fun messing with their brains.
I’ll be sure to punch in some Pro-life morals into your parents so you’ll even exist. I also hope all of you are Christians (if not, I’ll come out of the grave and make you Christians, by golly!)
Curse Webster for making all them Homophones! I could never tell ya how hard spelling was! You’ll probably never experience it giving the fact that nowadays they infuse all knowledge into your brains at childbirth. Consider yourselves lucky!
Do NOT invest in Pink Leotards. . . That’s my rule of thumb.
If you’re not Conservative-Republicans, may God have mercy on your souls and your parent’s souls, etc.
Give up them floating chairs that make walking obsolete! Watch WALL-E by Pixar/Disney Animations, (If it still exists) It will make you understand.
Do y’all still wear jeans? Why am I asking you that? I am dead! And ya know what? It is SO weird talking this way.
Yours honorably,
Ryan Scott, Oakley
Ps: I was 16-years-old when I wrote this. . .
